Speaking as someone who recently has come to realize that I have become invisible to nearly everyone I encounter, I cried at the recommendation of complimenting an older person so that they know they are seen. Perhaps some readers will have little realization of how much such a small thing can mean, but many of us treasure any of these small comments for days afterward.
Hi, everyone. I will keep the Comments open to all until 3:00 Eastern, then will revert to paying subscribers only so I can stop moderating the comments and run some errands for repairs around the house. Thanks to all of your comments!
I went to try a new restaurant tonight, and to my surprise, it was the opening night and all food (pizza and starter salad) and drinks were free. So I left a $30 tip, as did the couple I was with. So all the money we would have spent on a meal went straight to the workers. Great way to start the Labor Day weekend. And the food was great. It’s the newest location of the #1 ranked pizza place in the DC area.
Our family motto is “Be kind for everyone you meet is involved in a great struggle.” It resonates with all who read or hear it. It is reminds us to be kind, caring, and compassionate. As you point out, these attributes are needed now more than ever.
Many years ago, I was trying to learn how to love everyone-to love like the sun shines and the rain rains on the good and the bad, and I got the idea that I should look at everyone to find what their mother would find beautiful in them, what she would cherish in them. Soon after that, my two young sons and I went to Paris. We planned to take a number of trains - to Vienna to meet their dad, to the Southwest of France to stay in a B&B and learn French from the owners, etc. I panicked when I learned the French Railway system, the SNCF, was not accepting American Visa/Mastercard. They never had accepted American Express, and I wondered what to do. My first stop after checking in at our hotel and putting the boys down for a nap, was the bank in the basement of American Express. There I could buy French francs with a check from our Tennessee bank and our American Express card. When I was waiting in line, I noticed that one of the tellers had an obvious hare lip, and I wondered just what his mother would find most beautiful in him. When I stepped up to his window, I remarked quite spontaneously on his elegant Hermes tie. He looked up at me and smiled. Our eyes met, and I immediately recognized the beauty in his face. I felt sure that his mother cherished him. In that moment, he said, «I wonder if you know that if you buy train tickets from our travel department upstairs, you can charge them on your AmEx card. » That was the answer to my problem. I always remember the importance of recognizing one another that way - to look for what someone’s mom would love about them.
Hi Robert - Wonderful message for labor day and kudos to your Managing Editor practicing "small acts of kindness."
Your quote about incivility being contagious brought to mind a great quote of psychologist Amos Tversky: Because stinginess and generosity are both contagious, and because behaving generously makes you happier, surround yourself with generous people.
One sees both sides of this quote at play in America. We see both the stinginess of those who refuse to share the blessings of liberty with their Black or LGBTQ or Jewish neighbors and the generosity of those who showed up in Maui, or Florida last week, or here in California after our hurricane.
Let's be civil. Let's be generous. Because that's who we are. And let's kick some butt in 2024!!
Greatest advice ever. Thanks. I spend a lot of time talking to homeless people.
I think it is way more important to sit down in the curb, shake a Mandy hand, ask him what he thinks than to pass a few dollars out the window at a stop sign.
Recognizing his humanity is so important.
Smiling and laughing with a worker does the same thing. Even if I’m not happy with the business the guy at the front counter did nothing to me.
Grandma always said I’d catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
I have a dear friend who always buys a small box of chocolates for every crew member when he flies. He knows some won't care for that specific treat, but that they will deeply appreciate being remembered for their service.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. The power of kindness is amazing, transformative, and contagious. Showing kindness to others is like throwing pebbles into the still waters of a pond. The ripples spread ever wider. Never fail to throw pebbles of kindness into the world’s still waters.
Sep 2, 2023·edited Sep 2, 2023Liked by Robert B. Hubbell
Once I was riding back to my hometown in a friend's car. She had promised her husband she'd stop at the carwash on the way home. We were sitting in the car while this older gentleman was wiping off the car. I thought to myself that probably no one had thanked him all day so I rolled down the window and said thank you. He not only smiled he told me about his wife who was ill and how much he loved her. It was such a beautiful moment. I asked him if I could give him a hug and he nodded yes. So I got out of the car and gave him a hug. This whole thing took maybe a minute or two to have this wonderful connection that I'll never forget. As a result I learned that you can have a meaningful conversation with anyone in less than a minute! Now I ask everyone I meet -- the cashier at checkout, the waitstaff at a restaurant, everyone -- "What is your dream?" My favorite answer is "I'm living my dream." For every answer I ask "...and what are you doing to fulfill that dream?" and sometimes make suggestions on a step toward their dream. I call this big talk rather than small talk. When I see their eyes light up when they are thinking of their dream, it makes me feel good. I tell them to go after their dream now. Don't wait!" You see, I've been within two hours of death and know the importance of going after your dream now or you may never get the chance. So, always ask a meaningful question like "What was the best thing that happened to you today or since the last time I saw you?" With meaningful questions you can have a meaningful positive relationship in less than a minute and you'll both feel a bit of well being for your encounter.
Absolutely wonderful antidote to the "hate one another" ethos that has gripped this society since the rise of tRump and tRumpism...most apropos this Labor Day weekend, when all the so-called "populist" Repubs - frauds the lot of them - all celebrating "working-class Murkans" whilst stiffing them every opportunity presented.
"Thank you for helping keep the food system going" is what I've said many times over the last years 3.5 years to grocery workers. When picking up curbside orders, I often put a $5 or $10 bill in the person's hand. At one store here in Boulder, my local King Soopers, I had to start hiding the bills where the worker was going to put the bags -- because management prohibited tipping these workers making $15/hr. (The CEO of Krogers was taking in $17M annually!)
Today Jim Hightower had an excellent piece -- short yet comprehensive -- on the origins and meaning of Labor Day: Yes, it's all about justice and being treated equitably. Economic kindness is the goal.
Speaking as someone who recently has come to realize that I have become invisible to nearly everyone I encounter, I cried at the recommendation of complimenting an older person so that they know they are seen. Perhaps some readers will have little realization of how much such a small thing can mean, but many of us treasure any of these small comments for days afterward.
Hi, everyone. I will keep the Comments open to all until 3:00 Eastern, then will revert to paying subscribers only so I can stop moderating the comments and run some errands for repairs around the house. Thanks to all of your comments!
Small Kindnesses
By Danusha Laméris
I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk
down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs
to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you”
when someone sneezes, a leftover
from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying.
And sometimes, when you spill lemons
from your grocery bag, someone else will help you
pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other.
We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot,
and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile
at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress
to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder,
and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.
We have so little of each other, now. So far
from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here,
have my seat,” “Go ahead—you first,” “I like your hat.”
Have a great long weekend!
I went to try a new restaurant tonight, and to my surprise, it was the opening night and all food (pizza and starter salad) and drinks were free. So I left a $30 tip, as did the couple I was with. So all the money we would have spent on a meal went straight to the workers. Great way to start the Labor Day weekend. And the food was great. It’s the newest location of the #1 ranked pizza place in the DC area.
Our family motto is “Be kind for everyone you meet is involved in a great struggle.” It resonates with all who read or hear it. It is reminds us to be kind, caring, and compassionate. As you point out, these attributes are needed now more than ever.
Thank you for this, Robert. And thank you to your wife for showing us the way.
Want the world to be a better place? It's easy. "Do small things with great love."
.
Many years ago, I was trying to learn how to love everyone-to love like the sun shines and the rain rains on the good and the bad, and I got the idea that I should look at everyone to find what their mother would find beautiful in them, what she would cherish in them. Soon after that, my two young sons and I went to Paris. We planned to take a number of trains - to Vienna to meet their dad, to the Southwest of France to stay in a B&B and learn French from the owners, etc. I panicked when I learned the French Railway system, the SNCF, was not accepting American Visa/Mastercard. They never had accepted American Express, and I wondered what to do. My first stop after checking in at our hotel and putting the boys down for a nap, was the bank in the basement of American Express. There I could buy French francs with a check from our Tennessee bank and our American Express card. When I was waiting in line, I noticed that one of the tellers had an obvious hare lip, and I wondered just what his mother would find most beautiful in him. When I stepped up to his window, I remarked quite spontaneously on his elegant Hermes tie. He looked up at me and smiled. Our eyes met, and I immediately recognized the beauty in his face. I felt sure that his mother cherished him. In that moment, he said, «I wonder if you know that if you buy train tickets from our travel department upstairs, you can charge them on your AmEx card. » That was the answer to my problem. I always remember the importance of recognizing one another that way - to look for what someone’s mom would love about them.
Hi Robert - Wonderful message for labor day and kudos to your Managing Editor practicing "small acts of kindness."
Your quote about incivility being contagious brought to mind a great quote of psychologist Amos Tversky: Because stinginess and generosity are both contagious, and because behaving generously makes you happier, surround yourself with generous people.
One sees both sides of this quote at play in America. We see both the stinginess of those who refuse to share the blessings of liberty with their Black or LGBTQ or Jewish neighbors and the generosity of those who showed up in Maui, or Florida last week, or here in California after our hurricane.
Let's be civil. Let's be generous. Because that's who we are. And let's kick some butt in 2024!!
Greatest advice ever. Thanks. I spend a lot of time talking to homeless people.
I think it is way more important to sit down in the curb, shake a Mandy hand, ask him what he thinks than to pass a few dollars out the window at a stop sign.
Recognizing his humanity is so important.
Smiling and laughing with a worker does the same thing. Even if I’m not happy with the business the guy at the front counter did nothing to me.
Grandma always said I’d catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
What a terrific column! You are not only a thoughtful political analyst. You are also a really good person . Thanks😂
Particularly great comment, Robert.
I have a dear friend who always buys a small box of chocolates for every crew member when he flies. He knows some won't care for that specific treat, but that they will deeply appreciate being remembered for their service.
"We can be Kind"
Lyrics to a wonderful song, Been an inspiration to me for years.
Nancy Lamott on You Tube will touch your heart.
So many things I can't control
So many hurts that happen everyday
So many heartaches that pierce the soul
So much pain that won't ever go away
How do we make it better?
How do we make it through?
What can we do
When there's nothing we can do?
We can be kind
We can take care of each other
We can remember that deep down inside
We all need the same things
And maybe we'll find
If we are there for each other
That together we'll weather
Whatever tomorrow may bring
Nobody really wants to fight
Nobody really wants to go to war
If everyone wants to make things right
What are we always fighting for?
Does nobody want to see it?
Does nobody understand?
The power to heal
Is right here in our hand
You might also like
Moonlight Over Paris
Paolo Santos
The Fire Within Me
Jason Howland
Like I’m Gonna Lose You
Meghan Trainor
We can be kind
We can take care of each other
We can remember that deep down inside
We all need the same things
And maybe we'll find
If we are there for each other
That together we'll weather
Whatever tomorrow may bring
And it's not enough to talk about it
Not enough to sing a song
We must walk the walk about it
You and I, do or die, we've got to try to get along
We can be kind
We can take care of each other
We can remember that deep down inside
We all need the same things
And maybe we'll find
If we are there for each other
That together we'll weather
Whatever tomorrow may bring
And maybe we'll find
True peace of mind
If we always remember
We can be kind
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. The power of kindness is amazing, transformative, and contagious. Showing kindness to others is like throwing pebbles into the still waters of a pond. The ripples spread ever wider. Never fail to throw pebbles of kindness into the world’s still waters.
Once I was riding back to my hometown in a friend's car. She had promised her husband she'd stop at the carwash on the way home. We were sitting in the car while this older gentleman was wiping off the car. I thought to myself that probably no one had thanked him all day so I rolled down the window and said thank you. He not only smiled he told me about his wife who was ill and how much he loved her. It was such a beautiful moment. I asked him if I could give him a hug and he nodded yes. So I got out of the car and gave him a hug. This whole thing took maybe a minute or two to have this wonderful connection that I'll never forget. As a result I learned that you can have a meaningful conversation with anyone in less than a minute! Now I ask everyone I meet -- the cashier at checkout, the waitstaff at a restaurant, everyone -- "What is your dream?" My favorite answer is "I'm living my dream." For every answer I ask "...and what are you doing to fulfill that dream?" and sometimes make suggestions on a step toward their dream. I call this big talk rather than small talk. When I see their eyes light up when they are thinking of their dream, it makes me feel good. I tell them to go after their dream now. Don't wait!" You see, I've been within two hours of death and know the importance of going after your dream now or you may never get the chance. So, always ask a meaningful question like "What was the best thing that happened to you today or since the last time I saw you?" With meaningful questions you can have a meaningful positive relationship in less than a minute and you'll both feel a bit of well being for your encounter.
Absolutely wonderful antidote to the "hate one another" ethos that has gripped this society since the rise of tRump and tRumpism...most apropos this Labor Day weekend, when all the so-called "populist" Repubs - frauds the lot of them - all celebrating "working-class Murkans" whilst stiffing them every opportunity presented.
"Thank you for helping keep the food system going" is what I've said many times over the last years 3.5 years to grocery workers. When picking up curbside orders, I often put a $5 or $10 bill in the person's hand. At one store here in Boulder, my local King Soopers, I had to start hiding the bills where the worker was going to put the bags -- because management prohibited tipping these workers making $15/hr. (The CEO of Krogers was taking in $17M annually!)
Today Jim Hightower had an excellent piece -- short yet comprehensive -- on the origins and meaning of Labor Day: Yes, it's all about justice and being treated equitably. Economic kindness is the goal.
https://open.substack.com/pub/jimhightower/p/the-rebellious-spirit-of-matthew